Honey, is Bentley ok?

ANYBODY outside of Singapore who saw photos of submerged cars, rescue workers carrying people to safety and other scenes of chaos and devastation caused by Orchard Road’s mega washout on Wednesday would be forgiven for not believing their eyes. A natural disaster sweeping through Singapore? After all, a lady interviewed on TV hit the nail on the head when she disbelievingly said that she never thought something like this could happen in a first world country. It’s true that such scenes are more likely to be associated with developing countries but if you look closely enough, you would be able to see the tell-tale signs that such a disaster has taken place in Singapore. How can you tell? Easy. Just check out our list of the top 10 differences between a flash flood in a developing country and one in Orchard Road: 10 In Orchard Road, the only bodies you see floating in the water are the mannequins from Massimo Dutti. 9 Anguished men rush home to their families, crying, "Oh my god, is the Murcielago/ Bentley/Ferrari all right?" or "Check the cable TV reception - can we still watch the World Cup?!" 8 Singaporeans do not really know how to loot. Instead of taking whatever beauty products they can find floating in the water, they wait to see if something more valuable will float by, such as a camera or a leather iPhone cover. Other more enterprising looters will insist that rescue workers carry them to the Hermes boutique, just in case a slightly soiled Birkin floats by. 7 Rescue workers have trouble carrying out submerged patrons from Starbucks or Wendy’s because they won’t leave until they get a voucher for a replacement meal. 6 People are taking photos to upload on their Facebook pages. 5 Rescued victims will lodge complaints that their rescuers took their umbrellas to help other people and did not return them. 4 Firefighters have to counsel drivers still in their cars half submerged in water, muttering to themselves, "I can make it, I can make it ...." 3 Bystanders are watching the same drivers along the sidelines, placing bets on whether they will make it. 2 After the same drivers are finally extricated from their cars, they can be heard muttering on the side of the road, "The weather forecasters did this. That dummy from Massimo Dutti did this." 1 Stranded commuters insist that rescuers send them to their workplaces in their civil defence vehicles. And so ends an exciting week in Singapore. So if you ever thought that the only interesting thing happening during this World Cup season was learning a new African word, vuvuzela, think again. Yes, it took a clogged drain in Tanglin to create this nationwide calamity, but well, the next time it happens, we’ll keep you updated on the most worthwhile looting locations.